The business of being a Wife...

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  Just what does it mean to be a wife?  Now, those who are Christians should have a biblical understanding of what it means... at least in it's most basic form.  A wife is created as a help meet to her husband.  She was created to help her husband.  (Genesis 2:18,20)

So... a helper to my husband.  Well, that's nice.  So, what does THAT mean?  One person has told me that it means I should get up with my husband when he gets up for work and make him breakfast.  That's what SHE does with HER husband.  My husband doesn't eat breakfast, and doesn't even communicate more than a grunting beast-like sound in the morning.  Another woman I know gets her husband his coffee.  She always seems to have a cup ready for him.  She also gets him his plate of food at meal times.  That is GREAT!  I love seeing her do this.  In fact, while visiting with their family, I felt guilty that I didn't do these things for my husband.  So, after feeling guilty for a week, I finally broke down.  I ASKED my husband what he felt would be helpful to him.  I asked him if he minded that I didn't get up with him in the mornings before work.  I asked him if it bothered him that he made his own coffee.

You know what I discovered???  MY husband is NOT those other husbands.  What helps them, does not help him.  He prefers getting his own coffee.  He LIKES the quietness of being alone in the mornings as he prepares for work.  Those things, which are a blessing to OTHER husbands, is not a blessing to my own.

So what does my husband like?  What can I "help" him with?  Here are things HE has said... (and had I tried to anticipate these things, I NEVER would have even hit half the list!  So ladies, ASK YOUR OWN husbands, if you do not already know!)

• He finds it helpful when I keep the house orderly
• He finds it helpful when I have the children occupied and out of his "stuff"
• He finds it helpful when I write out receipts and bill of sales for his mechanics work (you should see his handwriting! LOL!)
• He finds it helpful when I drive the van, because he's usually so tired from working so much
• He finds it helpful to have meals we can eat at home, thus saving money by not going out
• He finds it helpful to have clean underclothes and work shirts enough to wear for the week
• He finds it helpful when I work on training the children in good character, and working to that end
• He finds it helpful that I teach our children at home, and that I keep the home.  Not sending my children to public school or daycare (because he believes his children should be home.)
• He finds it helpful that I am there when he needs a kiss or a hug, or general reassurance, rather than my traipsing around, pursuing my own (perhaps) frivolous interests
• He finds it helpful that I can keep the family organized and running smoothly, so we always know what just happened, what is now, and what is next.

You see, while I was trying to beat myself over the head for not helping my husband the way that OTHERS help their husbands, I was missing the fact that my husband already feels I am a great helper... because I help him with the things HE needs me to help him with.  It was a good lesson for me in realizing that comparing myself to others, rather than seeking what my own husband needs, is foolishness and wasted time.  I was created to be a HELP MEET for MY husband.  Not for any other man.  I really need to remember THAT!