That Silly Ol' Cat and I....

I don't know why in the world my mind went there this morning... I haven't thought about that cat in YEARS!  But, she sure was on my mind today!

Her name was Kiki.  (as in key-key). She was our cat in the late 80s/early 90s.  And, she was the mother of three litters.  I had a "favorite" from each litter... Starbuck, Stripe, and Spotty.  Yeah, I know- real original names, huh?  LOL!  (I was only a child back then!)

Anyway, Kiki was a wonderful cat.  She was very affectionate, sweet, and adorable. She aimed to please.  But she began her parenthood as a HORRIBLE mother.  She had no natural "mothering instinct" that most animals have.  You see, she was the runt of the litter and abandoned as a kitten.  No mother to love her.  We raised her by bottle/syringe. 

When she had her first litter- she left the babies to die.  In fact, in order to get her to feed her babies, we had to lay her down and pet her and coax her with treats so she would stay still.  She didn't bother keeping her babies warm or nurturing their needs.  She just didn't know what to do.

By her third litter, though- she was getting the "hang" of it.  In fact, she went on years later to care for a stray kitten we had found abandoned on the roadside.

What made the difference?  I'm not sure.  I don't know if she just had to be "taught" since she was abandoned as a kitten herself, or if it just took time, or if it all just "clicked" for her one day.

You see, I could very well be called a "Kiki".  I didn't have a lot of mothering "instinct" when my first child came about.  It had been beaten (philosophically) out of me since I was a very young girl. I had been abandoned to the continuing emergent fallacy of glorified feminism. My mother was a "career" woman- and that is what was expected of me... and what I aspired to be...   until I got older and met some Mama's who stayed at home to care for their husband and children and LOVED what they did. But by then, it was almost too late.  I didn't think about learning from them.  I just admired what they did.

And when my first child came... I thought nothing of allowing him to scream for hours on end.  (He *did* have severe colic, and I was told there was NOTHING I could do....)  Sure, I fed him, I clothed him, and I loved him... but there was very little "nurturing" going on apart from basic "needs".  I barely ever held him.  With each child I learned a bit more.  Learned how to truly *love-on* my babies.  I can't help but wonder if the reason why each child tends to be more relaxed and content than the previous is because their Mama has learned a bit more.  Why each child seems to view me more as "Mama" than mere "Milk-Machine" at tender ages.  I'm learning more with each child.  Each one becomes all that more precious to me. It isn't that I don't cherish and love the first one as much as the sixth, for as I've grown, my love for him has grown as well... but I've just learned to love much earlier--- I've realized how precious each child is. 

Then I think ahead to my own daughters... will they, too, be Kiki's?  God forbid!  (And I am NOT using that term lightly--- I *really* mean... may God forbid it to be so!)  My daughters do not need to be destined to be Kiki's.  They can learn from their own Mama.  They can watch and see their own Mama in action.  They can practice being nurturing with their little brothers.  They can learn now, so they are not clueless later.

My prayer is that my daughters grow up not to be Kiki's... but to be Mama's who are very adept at loving, caring for, and nurturing their sweet little babies.  That they will be able to look back and say "Thank You, Mama... for teaching us to love.  For preparing us for our OWN little ones."